I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
