apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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