Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
