my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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