my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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