It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
