college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Im part way to drunk.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
