I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
