Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my being single is dangerous.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
