He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
