On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
