well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
