remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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