I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
