seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
