that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
