Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
