just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
