I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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