This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
