as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You ruined the universe
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
