Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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