i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
