last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
