so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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