It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
