I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
