NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
