Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
