My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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