so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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