He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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