I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize