I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
