That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
