This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
