I CAN MOONWALK!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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