So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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