bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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