Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
