I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
