sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We need a shit load of segways right now
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize