Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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