Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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