At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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