Screwed.edu
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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