Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
nutella sex= disaster
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
