My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize