I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Rumble strips road head = magical
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
