sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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