i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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