I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
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