i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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