his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
