Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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