there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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