You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
