Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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