Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
