At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize