I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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