Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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