no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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