Non-Jews are for practice
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
