Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
