he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Your penis caused this!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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