I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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