this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Randomize
