His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
