she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
